By: Kathleen Hickey
The past couple of months have brought a lot of change, which is why my blogs have been a little widespread. Those of you that have been with me from the start know that I've shared personal things about my past. I do it to be honest, and genuine, and if it helps one person know that another person has gone through the same, then it's worth it. I recently moved, and have started another new chapter in my life, which seems to be happening more and more frequently for me. I've seen on Social Media posts that others are possibly going through the same process I am. So for those of you that are new to SLD, and for those of you that may have been waiting for answers, I thought I would provide a little insight.
What's In a Name
Probably the most common question I am asked, is why the name Sex Love and Drones. I usually tell people two answers. 1) It's a long story 2) Who doesn't like Sex, Love, or Drones? Or any combination of the three? It's actually very personal, and I've shared the origin of the name with very few people, but I think it's time to share.
Here's the real story behind Sex Love and Drones...
A couple of years ago I was at a job that was killing me to go to everyday, and I was in a relationship that for various reasons, was not working. I was able to start on a new career path, which was a leap of faith, and a huge cut in pay, but something that I enjoyed and was happy to go to. I cared a little more about my health, and tried to focus on friends, and my family. In that process I reconnected with a guy I had dated years before. He was engaged, and was planning a wedding, and I was in the process of evaluating my own relationship. We exchanged few emails. He got married, and I went on vacation to Mexico. For the sake of the blog I'll call him That Drone Guy (TDG). When I got back from vacation, he started to aggressively message me, and ask to see me. I will admit the attention was nice. I knew he had just gotten married, and I knew that going down a certain path was not right. I held off on meeting him for three months. Finally I decided to meet with him, and we just went for a walk. We talked about our lives and how they had changed in those 7 years that we were apart. There was chemistry, there was attraction, and there were also a lot of issues with what we were doing. Our messages and phone calls continued. We confessed our love for each other. I told the person I was with that I thought we should see other people. We both had not been happy in a long long time. And a couple months after I met TDG again.
He works in drones, and although at the beginning, it drove me crazy to hear him talk about them over and over during the little time we had together, I started to get interested, and ask more questions. He encouraged me to get into it myself, and fly. We met each other in Vegas for CES. I did not attend that year, but he spent the day. It was nine months since we had started talking, and I had planned a romantic trip to Palm Springs for my birthday in March. I had planned to share with him my big plans to start a blog about drones during that trip.
He never showed up that weekend. As I cried and drank champagne in my beautiful and empty hotel room, I tossed my drone blog idea to the side, and focused on my broken heart. On Monday I dragged myself into work, devastated, but also angry. I didn't want him to have anymore control over my life. I was talking to a couple of coworkers about my blog when one of them asked me what I was going to name it. I went to my desk and I thought about it. I knew that I wanted it to be fun, and show a bit of my personality. In a moment it came to me. Sex Love and Drones was everything that relationship was, and everything that had gotten me to this moment. It was real, and honest, and perfect.
That Drone Guy and I stayed in contact after Palm Springs. (He actually took his wife there the next weekend...GASP). I told his wife the news, and of course she was unphased by it all, blinded in dilusion, just as I was. He and I sent messages and spoke for another 6 months. We continued to see each other, and have a physical relationship. We made it a rule that we would not talk about drones, or anything related to them. I know you're thinking that I was extremely stupid. I made a choice to continue seeing a married man under the belief that he had changed. He said he realized the error of his ways. He was on his way to being a better person, and confronting his inner demons. All this while still staying married, and still having an affair. He promised me honesty, and transparency, and I believed it. I was in love.
So how did it finally end? Interdrone 2015. It would be our first event where we would see each other. His wife would be there as well. He insisted on talking on the phone about it. I had suspected that she was pregnant. We spoke on the phone about ground rules, what to expect and not expect. I asked him a few times if he had anything to tell me that I would need to know. He repeatedly said no. I was planning on attending Interdrone the last day, on Friday. I had kept up with events on Twitter. It was my first big event with Sex Love and Drones. Then someone I know that was at Interdrone, and knew the situation sent me a text. TDG's wife was pregnant. He had lied. And although I knew that he would never change, I wanted to believe that he was being honest with me. It was in that moment that I knew I could not go back again.
I wondered if I could continue my week old blog. Could I keep doing this knowing that it was over, and knowing I would see them if I stayed in this. I think That Drone Guy and I met once more after that. I needed to know how I would feel if I saw him, and when I did there was nothing but anger. I poured everything into my blog. He had taken so much away from me, but he was not going to take this away. I instantly went from being a shy people pleaser to deciding I would do something that I loved regardless of what he would think of it. Ive gotten the occasional missed call from him, and his door is always open...but we all know what that means.
At the end of the day, Sex Love and Drones was all about me, and really had nothing to do with him. I love Sex. I love Love. I love Drones. I love the sound of motors. I love that I can build something...or try to with my own hands, and have it actually work (most of the time). I'm a girl in a mostly guy world, and not because of That Drone Guy or any other guy. I show up because I love it. I wear heels and dresses, and I do my hair because I love that too. A year ago I would have been too shy to ever go to something where I knew no one, and say hello, and now I go to races and meet people. I love to watch people fly, and hear them talk about something they are passionate about. There are times I get negative feedback about the name of my blog. But overall, I have so many positive responses. People that would never have heard about drones, or care about them, ask me about my blog and what I do almost daily. I talk about the benefits of drone technology, flying responsibly, and I try to address any concerns that people have about drones. My goal was to attract people that may not normally take a moment to see what drones are all about. People like my friends that have no background in tech, or RC, or gaming. I wanted to make drones accessible to people that want to learn about them, and for them to have fun in the process.
Big changes are hard. Finding your passion and sticking to it is hard. I'm not proud of every decision I have made on this journey, and I've made mistakes. I've cried many tears, and taken some really scary steps. But if I have only one reader a week, I will continue SLD. It has brought me confidence, new friends, and a great community. More recently it has given me someone that is showing me how to love again, and how to let myself be loved by someone, and that alone makes it all worth it. If you're on the same path as me, keep going...
"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new." - Socrates